Gossip

What can I say about a topic that I hate? That's it! I hate gossip. I try my hardest not to gossip about anyone. But you see people have different definitions of gossip....let's see what a dictionary says....dictionary.com says that gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Yeah see I don't intentionally do that. I think it is wrong. I understand that sometimes people slip and gossip about others, I too have become subject to this action on occasion. However, I still feel that it is wrong. It amazes me that we even have shows about gossiping, as well as books. I mean, really? Do we really need to watch that crap? It just hurts people when you gossip. I don't know what else I can possibly say. Just please don't every gossip about me.

Free Topic #17

Okay do I really have to be a size zero to be a 10 in peoples 'Hot Book'; the stupid list that tells if your hot or not. I drives me nuts. Just when I feel like I'm falling back in love with the curves that I have, I get a stupid ass comment by someone that I kinda look up to. Okay tell me this, choir is based off vocal skills, right? That's what I thought too. But apparently not, cause I didn't get the duet piece that I wanted because I wouldn't look 'GOOD' standing next to the guy that got the male part of the duet. I understand that stage presense should be considered, however minamally. If it was drama I wouldn't even question it. I understand that you have to 'fit' the part not the other way around. If you don't fit the part then you don't get the part. THAT I understand. But with choir shouldn't it be based strictly on the ability of the singer to perform the piece? I don't understand why ,yet again, I'm not good enough for a certain piece of music that, personally, I kick ass at. But its whatever I guess. I'm not gonna change who I am for anyone but myself and his decision is a final one. I guess it turned out pretty good and I can't complain too much cause I got a whole song solo by myself. It just bugged me when this happened. I'm trying so hard to be myself, to love myself, and to just sing with passion. It's work so far, I just hope it continues.

Cheating

I can't stand you! Why do you think that just because you're skilled enough to not get caught that you can cheat? Someone worked their butts off finishing that project, studying for that test, writting that essay! Just cause you don't get busted doesn't make it right. I can't stand when people like you even ask to copy my papers or cheat off my tests. Life is not just going to throw itself at your feet. You have to walk a mile in the shoes it gives you first. I know life is hard; trust me I've been there and then back again. But you can get through it and let it make you stronger just like the rest of us. Freakin' dust yourself off and get back on that stupid ass bike and quit trying to take the easy way out of everything. Cheating is so not acceptable. It doesn't teach you anything. It hurts friendships, breaks up families, and gets you into a lot of unnecessary trouble. Just DO NOT cheat. How would you like it if you were seriously ill and needed surgery or something of that nature, and you found out that the only possible doctor to do your procedure had cheated his way, not only through high school, but medical school as well. Would you even consider letting him open you up and 'fix you'? I think not. It's just wrong. Plain wrong.

Free Topic #16

Seriously, when will you just grow up. You've always been a really good kid. Well okay, mostly good. You've done your best to get good grades, you've listened to dad and Rose for the last four years telling you what you NEED to do and what is expected of you. You've done all of this and then more. But seriously Christina, when are you going to stick up for yourself. Times have changed, you're old enough to make your own choices. Isn't that what they told you when you wanted to move here; "The decision is yours!" Why are you taking this statement half-way? Grow the hell up, find yourself, be your own person, for Pete's sake. Yes you have Ashley. Yes you love her. But dangit, if you don't do this, do it for yourself, you will go around kicking yourself. always living in the Land of What If. You don't want to go there. The more you talk to people about your situation, the more they say you need to get out, get out on your own. Even people who barely know you say why are you staying behind, you have worked your ass off these last four years getting straight A's and you're gonna stay here. If you won't listen to all of these people Christina, at least listen to your heart. The thing that has gotten you through everything in this life. What is it telling you? Yup, that's right. It's time for Daddy's little girl to spread those wings and fly. The only way you're ever going to know if you will make it in this "big, bad world" is if you get out there and try for yourself. Come on, GROW UP! Get some balls and say what's on your mind, tell them how you feel. You're not breaking promises. You're bettering yourself so that you can keep the promises you've made. You need to be YOU! Go, get out, fly little birdie, FLY!

Free Topic #15

I really want to get a tattoo. I want a music note on my wrist and I want a star somewhere but Im not sure where yet. When I turned 18 I thought that I would get one but I havent yet. I know its a big decision and something that I would have to live with for the rest of my life, tattoos are very permanent. So Im waiting it out, thinking long and hard about it. My dad has tattoos as well as my aunt, mom, sisters, and brothers. I would never get a guys name tattooed to my body though. No offense to the people that do, but I think it is stupid. Unless its your kids name or parents or grandparents or something like that then you dont need names tattoed to your body. Your husband may not always be your husband and your boyfriend may not always be your boyfriend. Same goes for the guys though. Wifes and girlfriends may not always be that. My mom got my stepdads name tattooed to her shoulder and even though it is small, I was extremely dissapointed in her and refused to talk to her for like 6 weeks. So the pictures are some ideas I have for a tattoo.

Free Topic #14

I cant stand being abandoned. I know this is a huge issue for me. And trust me Im trying to deal with it. But why on God's green earth do some people just not get it? Why do they feel they have the right to walk away, walk out of someone's life because its too hard or its just not 'working out' or whatever other lame ass excuse they come up with? Then, to top everything off, why do they feel they can just come walking back in and act as if they never left in the first place? I mean come on. Its just not right. The reason why im ranting and raving about this is because Ive had this happen tons of times to me, probably the cause of my abandonment issues. But anyways, Im getting to my point I promise, a few weeks ago my mom dragged me with her to take her brother David, my technical uncle, errand running. David did some pretty stupid stuff about five years ago or around that long ago. So he hasnt been around in a long time. But I dealt with that, I was getting over everything, dealing with the fact that he didnt want to be around us, and that he messed up his relationship with my mom. But, and here comes the part I cant stand, not him, but rather my mother, decides that it time for me and my sister to 'visit' him. What kind of crap is that? Worse she didnt tell me about it. I had to hear it over a message he left on her machine saying that he couldnt wait to see us and all this crap. I knew my mom had been helping him out lately because he is going through a divorce and everything but why the hell would she include me in this mess. She knows I hate that. But thats not even all of it. We went, bitching the whole way I mind you, but when we saw him he acted as if he were so glad to see us; saying we look good and that we have grown up and stuff. I felt like saying "well no shit Shorlock, maybe if you werent an ass and stayed in our lives you would have watched us grow up." of course I didnt say that, but I sure as hell thought it and thought it hard. So the whole afternoon was just dramatic. I dont know where the whole situation will end up but apparently this weekend my mom wants us to take him and his daughter Jenna to City Walk. Jenna I havent seen since she was like 3 or 4 and now she is 9. I couldnt believe it when he showed me her picture. So I will keep you updated.

Free Topic #13

We finally got a new house. Well hopefully. See we, meaning my dad really, put a bid on two houses. Both of which contain the same floor plan which is very cool. The only difference between the two houses is House #1 contains hard wood floors and a smaller backyard and is located on the corner of the street. House #2 doesn't have hard wood floors but still has nice tile and has a huge bakcyard and is located on the culdasac of the same street House #1 is located. Yup! That's right both houses are on the same street. How bizzare, I know. But Im really excited. Bid number two went through and we are just waiting to hear back from the bank approving everything. So we are most likely gonna get House #2, which I personally like better anyways. We are looking to be moving at the latter part of February which will be very cool. Im finally for the first time in my entire life going to have my own room, which I am soooo looking forward to. My own space. This is going to be fantastic. I cant wait. Oh and the kitchen is amazing. I love cooking and there is so much space versus our prior arrangements. There are like 12 plugs in the whole kitchen. Yay! A place for all our kitchen gadgets. So I will keep you people updated on the moving situation. (I say people like more then two are ever going to read this haha). P.s The picture is of a monkey "hanging" at his house. I thought it was very cute.

Free Topic #12

So first semster is finally over. It hasn't hit me completely yet, but only one semseter left and I'm finished with high school. It's over, done, finished. Only 18 weeks left. I bet the emotions will hit me soon enough.

So update from a previous blog that was talking about the fact that I think that I'm passing up my own dreams. I still haven't figured things out. I have no clue what I want to do for MYSELF. Things are just so complicated, and Im so torn on the situation. I feel like if I go away and do what I feel I need to do, then Im being selfish and I hate that feeling. But then again, I feel that if I stay and forget my dreams and hopes, then Im being stupid and will live to regret it.

I was talking to two friends today and they both told me that I need to get out and fly. I need to spread my wings and soar. Hey I think I just came up with a poem idea.

Flight

Something I wish to feel

The wind beneath my wings

The air brushing my cheek

Please, just give me the chance

Give me the chance to breathe

Let me feel the sun from both sides

Allow me to soar

If I fall know I will be back

Keep your arms open wide

And wait for your daughter

Wait for her to arrive.

I wonder if I will ever fly. I wish so badly to just soar. To spred my wings and take off. But I feel as if my wings are broken, crushed by the weight of this world, the pressures of My world. Maybe there are holes in my wings or they are defective somehow. All I can wonder is if I will find the power to make them new again, sooner rather then later I hope.

Free Topic #11

Get a grib,
Get your feelings back.
Quit with the razor to your wrists,
life is better then that.

Wake up and smile,
declare a new day.
Quit making excuses,
for why you dismay.

Just like the clouds leave the sky,
so too will this darkness
leave the irises
of your hazel eyes.

Life is to short
to cut it shorter,
so stand up,
come on and play the life sport.



I saw this picture titled Get a Grip. It was a photo of a hand with the wrist slit and it was grabing on like a shower door. Its always fancinated me; the aspect of art that is. I've had writer's block for months now and finally this poem came to mind after seeing this photo. So there it is, the first thing I've written in months.

Ignorance= Bliss?

Im not sure if I believe that ignorance is bliss. I mean for certain circumstances maybe ignorance can share the characteristics of bliss, but Im not entirely certain. I dont know, it's hard to explain. Okay senerio; You're excited that you have a new boyfriend. Everything is fantastic, you both have a great time together and you share everything. You guys are always together; or so you thought. One day you find out that he has been with another girl. You're crushed! You think maybe if I wouldn't have found out, I would still be blissful. Ignorance is so bliss!
My answer to that is I DON'T THINK SO! I mean come on, everyone is hurt after a hard breakup and yeah you may think that if you wouldn't have found out then everything would still be okay. But what happens if you became sexual with this person and then found out later that he gave you an STD, then would ignorance be bliss. I think not! But even if the latter part didnt happen. I think even going through the breakup, however hurtful it may have been, are you not stronger because of it. I think everything happens for a reason. If we all walk around thinking if we are ignorant then nothing bad will ever happen to us, that we will always be happy-go-lucky, then I think we are only kidding ourselves. We are supposed to get hurt every now and then. We just have to get back up. It's like riding a bike. No matter how many times you fall down, you must get back on and keep on trucking. If you walk around acting like you've never fallen off the bike in the first place then you're just acting dumb.

New Year Resolutions

The new year has finally come.....YAY!!! Well I really hate setting new year resolutions because I NEVER stick to them....Its pretty unrealistic to set them....But this year Im going to do something different.....My new year's resolution is to perfect ME.....I wanna turn myself into the person I see myself as....the person I want to be....Imma do things I want to do and experience things for myself. Im tired of being what other people want and expect me to be....this year Imma just be ME....the best person I can be. So Im not setting a goal saying I wanna lose 50 pounds (although that is one goal =) ) and Im not gonna set a goal saying Im never going to say another mean thing to anyone....(cuz that will probably happen a couple times) but Im just going to set a resolution to think about me this year....to revamp myself so to speak.
Bring in '09, coz it is all so mine. =)