What have you learned the hard way?

I have learned many things the hard way. But the most significant thing that I have learned is that you cannot control everything. You really cannot anything; not your situations, not your feelings, not anything. For many years I felt that I must control everything around me. If I accomplished this then I could do anything. I was sadly mistaken! While my world was crumbling around me, I found that the only thing that I could control was the pain that I felt. Soon after I found I was not able to control situations that were occuring at the time, I also found that I was numb inside. I had no mental feelings; none what so ever. So then I figured if I could not feel mentally then I must feel physically because in reality it was the only thing that I really could control.
The first time the silent, cold blade touched my skin, I felt release. I was finally feeling something. It was a physical hurt to match the mental trama I was going through. The first night I cut myself, the night it all started, was the first time I relized that I truly could not control things outside of my own being. However, I could control me. I could control the way I felt, physical and mental. I could control my feelings towards others: hate, love, pride. Anything that had to deal with my being, my self, I could fix, I could control. That was all that mattered.
It took my life crumbling beneath me, my grandmother dying, my mother being beaten while I watched, my father bleeding to death, and my own sanity perishing, to relize that controling everything doesn't matter. If everyone in society controlled themselves and nothing further, then the world would be a happier place. I also relized it was a waste of time. I wasted over 5 years of my life being rebellous, running the streets and causing problems for the people who love me. I failed at controlling the world, but gained a new outlook on life. I wish now that things were different and that I had never let the blade touch my skin, but I also don't regret the things that have happened in my life, for they have made me the person I am today. The quirky, spontaneous, intelligent young lady I am today.